<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d20663034\x26blogName\x3dI+am+real.\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLACK\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://soultari.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://soultari.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-1359263390837222455', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 x 3:40:00 AM

I am trying.

I hope you see that.

Rivals Vs Lovers

Hmm…

Still trying.

If you can’t see that then my days are numbered.

Monday, June 26, 2006 x 3:35:00 AM

A freaking HOLIDAY!

I need a break. I need to breathe. I need to rest. When?

So far so good. Daddy seems to agree with me going to Switzerland for a week! But its summer there. Wished it was winter. Would love to experience Winter all over again.

Well shall not expose too much of my getaway…

Mamang called yesterday. Such a sweet guy. We instantly cliqued during Gentarasa but it would have been better if the Dikir team was around often. Then I can always tarik Mr Karut away and chat² about life. Simillar incidents always bond two individuals together. With a voice and charisma like him it would be blasphemous if this teddy bear does not go far in the Arts. I am proud of his achievements ( I should enquire more). Interesting person. Mang… we will go to a dance competition together ok? Bitching partners!

Personally, I do not know what to blog about.

But I am happy now. Much, much happier…

But…

I am sad too… Very very sad…

Just do not know how to put it right…

Miss my four special people.

(I hope Ajit, Nor and Kay is not mad at me… for not being there…)

Friday, June 23, 2006 x 3:31:00 AM

7 random facts about me:
1) I am effeminate
2) I love to dance
3) The eldest of four.
4) I am in love. (And for once the person loves me back. Happy hehe)
5) I do things to impress
6) Can be the bitchiest DIVA. (SNT has tasted my wrath way too many times)
7) Extremely emotional

7 things that scare me:
1) Allah SWT (Yes Cipah. Im still scared of the Almighty.)
2) Life
3) Losing the people I love
4) Insecurity / Loneliness
5) Having your past catching up to you
6) Dying of a heartbreak (Way too familiar)
7) Loss of respect and admiration from those who do look up to you. (Been there…)

7 songs I like right now:
1) Pajung – Sri Mahligai
2) Biarlah Rahsia – Siti Nurhaliza
3) When The Wrong One Loves You Right – Celine Dion
4) First Love – Utada Hikaru
5) Semusim – Marcell
6) Januari – Glenn
7) Chingay 2003 – Dzul Rabull Jalil

7 things I like the most:
1) My One and Only. (Hehe)
2) The four most special people in my life. (Ajit, Kay, Kak Hani, Noraini)
3) My Bantal Busuk
4) My SNT girls
5) PS / Gentarasa Family
6) My White Butterfly
7) Eating.

7 things I hate the most:
1) Disrespectful people
2) Fights / Quarrels / Misunderstanding / Confusion
3) Early Mornings
4) Thinking. (I think too much. It affects my health. It really does… Sigh)
5) Materialistic Menjadi- Menjadi
6) Memories of my ex-es
7) Life. (Too unpredictable)

7 things I say the most:
1)
Very RUDE…
2) Kurang Sopan…
3) How about…
4) Busok…
5) Siolzzz
6) Wow… Gorgeous
7) Jorgeous. :p

7 people to do this:
1) Kikir Putra
2) Kak Hani
3) Kabetha
4) Noraini
5) Ajit
6) Iffah / Izzah
7) Anyone who believes that they are pretty / handsome / Jorgeous.

Thursday, June 22, 2006 x 1:13:00 AM

I was just feeling insecure.

I needed noone else but you.

I needed the hug.

Just you.

But you took it the wrong way.

And now Im disarray…

Haiz.

You
rest…

while I figure where I went wrong.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006 x 12:01:00 AM

I read an entry regarding Persada Juara Tari written by Kikir Putra. After commenting fairly regarding some of the choreographer’s work, he continued discussing about the argument between what is truly traditional and contemporary.

I guess in more ways than one I concur with what he has to say.

I believe ages ago, people of the Malay Archipelago knew nothing about the five malay dance basics or even Mak Inang Pulau Kapai or Serampang 12.

All they knew were the how nature works. Dance only came when they explored their bodies and moved according nature. They mimicked every animal they saw, they observed their lifestyles, they studied the earth and experience the wrath of Mother Nature.

Music came along in many forms. The sound of the sea, thunder, hitting tree logs, crickets… those were the first primitive music of the people.

When drum beats came through the introduction of Islam, they accompanied every beat… every melody with movement. Precise. Sharp.

Every night, after evening prayers… village folks gather in the village circle… attracted by the music. They danced. They move to the music. Laughter. Smiles. A way of life.

I don’t think they would bother if they should dance right. I don’t think if they would bother if they were suppose to dance according the five malay dance basics. All they would like to do is enjoy the music… and let the rhythm move their souls. An outer-body experience.

I do not really know how to judge if a dance piece is really contemporary or traditional. If Inang was revised and its dance movements aggressive… would it be contemporary? What if this revised inang becomes popular and continued and eventually replacing the old one… would it then become traditional?

Kikir Putra truly has a point. In fact what he says was what my Guru Tari said before to me…

“Hasn’t anyone realised that what's contemporary today might turn out to be traditional tomorrow?”…

Up to you.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006 x 10:17:00 PM

Cynthia asked, “ What does the winning group have that we don’t?”

A good choreographer.

I know where I stand. I know how much my seniors have done to be where they are.

Maybe it is true what Abg Kamel said…

Young arts activists nowadays are all rushing to be at the top… what happen to slow and steady wins the race.

I don’t deny I am one of those people who want to be at the very top when I am very young. Just hoping to carve a legacy early. That’s all.

But Abg has a point. Why am I rushing? When I go slow and explore…

Maybe I am just afraid of competition. I don’t wish to be left out in the race. I want to be one of those people that people look up too… But its too early…

Maybe I am also afraid of not being able to reach my goal… when I am alive…

Maybe I am afraid of losing my placing and credibility…

Hehe. I worry too much.

I’ve been really depressed lately. Mostly because of the competition. I am a liar if I say I don’t expect anything from the competition. Was just feeling sad that 3 months of hard work didn’t surmount to anything. What I am sad about most is that my dancers left empty-handed…

Everyday I watched my piece and I realise that the girls did try to pull through. But I guess the major flaw cannot be hidden.

We danced as individuals. Not as a team. Frankly, I do not know what else I can do to make them as team. They are all so different. I know they tried and they are all good friends… but… when it comes to the stage… even though they tried to hide… they were outshining one another. A major boo boo…


But they tried. I know. They did.

Girls… SNT has gone through so much all this years. Constant changes. Constant improvements. But complacency still lies…

Now its up to the current batch to do something about it…

I’ll be gone soon… And SNT will always be in my heart… I’ll see what I can do to keep the group going… I hope that the alumni will always be open to help. :)

Monday, June 19, 2006 x 12:08:00 PM

I needed to blog. Urgently. Wanted to get some latent uneasiness of the heart out.

I don’t wish to update much and I refuse to inform regarding everything that has happened to me for the past few months. The lesser I tell, the better.

Less than 2 months I worked on this piece. I do not expect to be the best. And hell I do not wish to be the worst. I believe I was taught the essentials on how to choreograph but I don’t think being an award wining choreographer came with the package.

I tried. I did. I believe I worked harder than my senior compatriots. They do not need to put in extra effort. Everything, by now, would have come naturally for them.

Not for me… Countless days of no-sleep just to think of formation and ways to make this dance lain pada yang lain.

Never did like traditional. But I took the challenge… And Im glad I did. At least now I know where I stand…

The girls…

They did relatively well. They are strong… sadly if they could try to put aside individualistic intentions and put more consideration as a group… they wouldn’t have been judged as individuals.

But they did their best. And I was in tears at the end of it.

Maybe it is my choreography… that pulled them down…

But I don’t deny they were beautiful on that day.

Persada Juara Tari 2006… An Eye Opener For Amin.

I hope it was for Wawa, Indah, Asyaqinah, Lina, Diyanah, Hani, Caca and Sharifah.

A wake up sign that we have a long way to go. :)


I… have a long way to go…

Rindu Kesiangan

Dara...marilah keluar bersama...
kita berselimutkan cahaya bulan malam?
berselindungkan bintang....
awan mendung kegelapan...

shhhh....jangan katakan kepada sesiapa...
simpanlah sahaja diantara kita...
antara awak dan saya...

shhh...antara kita berdua..
rindukan kesiangan cahaya..
usik mengusik...gurau bergurau...

shhh...simpan sahaja di antara awak dan saya...
janji sahabat manja bersama..."

Khas ditulis oleh Kikir Putra…


I thank the choreographers that called and comforted me after everything…

- Faizul
- Rizal Along
- Sudirman
- Abg Fatturahman
- Abg Kamel
- Abg Ramlan
- Kak Mas
- Yazid
- Rizal

At least I am happy to know that you care. Budak baru ni ada banyak lagi harus dipelajari.

Kak Linda… ur sms was the only one that got my spirits up… Unbiased and ever so sincere. I thank you for what you’ve advised me. Akan Amin selalu mengingatinya.

Take a look at the beauties…
My first costume design. :)




Credits to Bibik Aty for producing the baju.
Salai Tuna for the hardwork on the hair
Zsudeir for hair accessories
Ajitwarna for make-up
Caca Hamoe for allowing to use her make-up
The girls for spraying the lampu gold.
Along, Alang, Acik, Achu for support.
Kikir Putra for being special and for the synopsis.


ikut resmi padi..semakin berisi..semakin menunduk...